Okay, I know that I promised to make this blog a place where I would look on the bright side. Cynicism and bad attitudes - BE GONE! But tonight..... well, tonight, I just can't do it! I cannot muster the strength to be positive. A foul woman completely pissed in my Cheerios tonight. She and her pompous child were obnoxious and.... well, FOUL! So, in the spirit of trying to erase the negativity from my life, I did what any other self-respecting individual would do. I spewed my negativity all over her!!!!
She showed up over an hour late for a high school drama performance because she was only interested in seeing her child. Okay, I can forgive this because usually, I just want to see my kids do their best on stage as well. But, she made every effort to make her child look better by insulting the other students. Wait,.... HUH? The ADULT tried to make her child appear to be a better performer than anyone else in the group by INSULTING THE OTHER CHILDREN!!! I was floored! Now, this went WAY beyond any form of defense for my own children..... this was simply a lack of human decency that had to be addressed. So, since I'm a volunteer - not associated or paid to be a part of the program in anyway - I went in with guns blazing (queue the tumbleweed... roll the whistling soundtrack..... mark the spur-jingles.....). I have never in my life felt the need to rip a new asshole on a person as I did this insane woman tonight. Needless to say, I'm home writing up my blog.... she left way before I did and was in a bit of a snit. Thanks to yours truly!!!
With all this - I can say: 1) I felt better - every bit of venom that I had stored up from my day got smeared all over this woman and her testy shit of a son. 2) Shame on her! Shame on her for not realizing that this rinky-dink high school drama program may be the only exposure that the majority of these students will ever receive simply because they do not have the monetary resources to BUY their way into performing troops the way she has managed for her daughter. 3) It is sad that I even had to have this argument. It is sad that these kids cannot be appreciated simply for the time and effort that they put into improving their craft. It is sad that their hard work and dedication to something bigger than themselves cannot be appreciated for what it is. It doesn't have to fit into every one's definition of beauty or art..... as long as what they did fits into THEIR personal definition of beauty or art. The rest should be inconsequential. The rest should be something for others to appreciate and respect. It is sad that another adult does not recognize this.
There my rant is finished.... pass a cocktail. In fact, pass several. I plan on passing out tonight....
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
officially.....and for the record
Yes..... I admit it. I am a slacker. I haven't added to my blog in a few days. And I could come up with a ton of excuses.....
No one reads it anyway....
Who sees it other than me?
Are there other things that I could be doing?
The answer? It doesn't matter if no one else sees it. And sure, there are other things I could be doing but I'm doing this now! And if no one else reads it, well.... I guess that's alright. This has become more of a project FOR me than about me. With that being said, here's some fun to help you waste some time. I'll try not to waste any more of mine!
Well, you can't have the History of Rap - Part 1 without adding parts 2, 3, & 4.... enjoy!!
No one reads it anyway....
Who sees it other than me?
Are there other things that I could be doing?
The answer? It doesn't matter if no one else sees it. And sure, there are other things I could be doing but I'm doing this now! And if no one else reads it, well.... I guess that's alright. This has become more of a project FOR me than about me. With that being said, here's some fun to help you waste some time. I'll try not to waste any more of mine!
Well, you can't have the History of Rap - Part 1 without adding parts 2, 3, & 4.... enjoy!!
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Need more beauty in the world....
I love all things beautiful. I mean, what is there to hate when your view makes you feel good and brings you joy? For some, a scenic view can stir the soul. 
For others, an image of unconditional love heals all ills.
Now for me, well, I'm a simple girl. I don't need much. Just a bit of this....
And a little of that....
Remembering that all things beautiful should be admired....
And appreciated for their exquisiteness...
Ahhhh, yes. A thing of beauty is a joy forever!!
Monday, May 13, 2013
I'm the worst blogger in the world.... I missed a day (or two - but who's counting?) because life got in the way. Here's how:
My daughter turned 13 on Saturday. I had to run around like a banshee to get the house ready, pick up the cake, order the pizza - which was HUGE!!! (52 slices, 35 inches across or better) After the party, Michael and I went out with Kathy and Ken - our couple counterparts. We decided to go to Conch Republic to get dinner.... but I didn't get dinner, I got drinks! Here's my picture:
We ordered two servings of Gator bites for the table - I LOVE THESE THINGS!! They come with buffalo, barbecue, ranch and bleu cheese dipping sauces. They're lucky I didn't suck the ink out of the paper when we were done. Along side, my favorite well drink - vodka & cranberry.... YUM!! After two of those, I switched up to a Cherry Chiller - Cherry Jack rum, pineapple juice and other delicious libations!
We left Conch Republic and headed to the Pour House. Then, the night turned to shots. Pineapple Upside Down shooters, Buttery Nipples, B-52's, and an Apple Pie shot. The most entertaining part of the night was watching everyone play the Beer Pong game. Yes, folks, that's right.... pay $1.00 to play beer pong. You shoot ping pong balls into red Solo cups that are lit up. If you get the ping pong ball in the cup, the light goes off. The goal is to get all the lights off before the timer runs out. Here's a glimpse of this madness:
Now, isn't this the craziest thing ever? Why pay a $1.00 when you can set up a table and play (almost) for free at home? Either way, watching people get frustrated with this game was highly entertaining!! That, and the fact that each time someone decided to swing back to chuck the ping pong ball at the cups, Ken would get goosed! Maybe that's the part I liked better.... LOL!!
My daughter turned 13 on Saturday. I had to run around like a banshee to get the house ready, pick up the cake, order the pizza - which was HUGE!!! (52 slices, 35 inches across or better) After the party, Michael and I went out with Kathy and Ken - our couple counterparts. We decided to go to Conch Republic to get dinner.... but I didn't get dinner, I got drinks! Here's my picture:
We ordered two servings of Gator bites for the table - I LOVE THESE THINGS!! They come with buffalo, barbecue, ranch and bleu cheese dipping sauces. They're lucky I didn't suck the ink out of the paper when we were done. Along side, my favorite well drink - vodka & cranberry.... YUM!! After two of those, I switched up to a Cherry Chiller - Cherry Jack rum, pineapple juice and other delicious libations!
We left Conch Republic and headed to the Pour House. Then, the night turned to shots. Pineapple Upside Down shooters, Buttery Nipples, B-52's, and an Apple Pie shot. The most entertaining part of the night was watching everyone play the Beer Pong game. Yes, folks, that's right.... pay $1.00 to play beer pong. You shoot ping pong balls into red Solo cups that are lit up. If you get the ping pong ball in the cup, the light goes off. The goal is to get all the lights off before the timer runs out. Here's a glimpse of this madness:
Now, isn't this the craziest thing ever? Why pay a $1.00 when you can set up a table and play (almost) for free at home? Either way, watching people get frustrated with this game was highly entertaining!! That, and the fact that each time someone decided to swing back to chuck the ping pong ball at the cups, Ken would get goosed! Maybe that's the part I liked better.... LOL!!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Here comes the sun....
I went with my daughter, Maura, and her band class as a chaperone to a band festival competition and to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg after. I now have sun kissed pink feet but that is okay by me. It was so great to be in the fresh air and sunshine. I was starting to think Richmond was going to float away. My happy notes? I'm happy I got to spend the day with Maura. I'm happy that her band did so well (1st place in Jazz Band, 2nd place in concert band - both with superior ratings). I'm happy to have that wonderful tired, sore feeling you get from spending all day in the sun. Here's a few pics of my girl in action.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
news about Michael....
Here's a brief history: In 2009, my husband, Michael, ruptured a disc in his back. He had a laminectomy (where they surgically push the ruptured stuff back into the disc, scrape out the excess) but this didn't work. The disc re-ruptured in 2010. He had a second surgery in 2010 to fuse the L5/S1 discs in his lower back. Even with the surgical repair, Michael continually had pain due to permanent nerve damage from the ruptured disc that compressed nerves. He had a third surgery to insert a spinal cord stimulator. He's got a lead inserted in his spine and a battery in his hip that keeps the lead charged. This lead sends electric impulses down his spine and those impulses are supposed to block the signals from the damaged nerves from reaching his brain. Meaning, the nerves can't be repaired but if the brain doesn't receive the pain signals from those damaged nerves, he should have less pain.
A side note: Michael is in law enforcement. He's been a cop for going on 14 years. In March, he got into an altercation with a jail inmate and instantly started experiencing severe pain. He's been on light duty for a month and switched to the night shift since that was the only light duty spot available.
Michael went to the doctor on Monday - and it wasn't a great visit. He's going to need more surgery due to a "failed fusion." The L5/S1 disc is bulging as a result of the altercation. The doctor confirmed that if the fusion was either done correctly or healed correctly, the disc would not have been able to bulge - or move - because it would have been anchored by another disc. The surgery is going to be pretty harsh. It will mean an incision in his back to remove the rods and screws from the first fusion. Then, he'll get flipped over and an incision will be made in his abdomen. Then, from the front, the fused disc will be removed and bone grafts will be inserted to create a new fusion. He'll be flipped back over so new rods, pins, and screws can be inserted to hold the new fusion in place. He's looking at a 3-6 month recovery period. He probably will not be able to return to law enforcement - the risk of injury is just too great.
For those reading this that know Michael, you know that he's a good guy. He is quiet and somewhat introverted when he first meets you, but once he gets to know you, you're family. And there's nothing that Michael will not do for his family. He will give you the shirt off his back if he thought that you needed it. He's been my biggest cheerleader since I made the decision to go back to school. He is a great husband and father. So, in trying to find things to be happy about.... I'm happy that Michael has answers about his pain. I'm happy that a resolution is in sight. I'm happy that he has some hope for a pain-free life, which is something that he hasn't had in quite a while. I'm happy that this too shall pass.... I know it's my profile picture, but here's Michael and me during our 15th wedding anniversary trip.
A side note: Michael is in law enforcement. He's been a cop for going on 14 years. In March, he got into an altercation with a jail inmate and instantly started experiencing severe pain. He's been on light duty for a month and switched to the night shift since that was the only light duty spot available.
Michael went to the doctor on Monday - and it wasn't a great visit. He's going to need more surgery due to a "failed fusion." The L5/S1 disc is bulging as a result of the altercation. The doctor confirmed that if the fusion was either done correctly or healed correctly, the disc would not have been able to bulge - or move - because it would have been anchored by another disc. The surgery is going to be pretty harsh. It will mean an incision in his back to remove the rods and screws from the first fusion. Then, he'll get flipped over and an incision will be made in his abdomen. Then, from the front, the fused disc will be removed and bone grafts will be inserted to create a new fusion. He'll be flipped back over so new rods, pins, and screws can be inserted to hold the new fusion in place. He's looking at a 3-6 month recovery period. He probably will not be able to return to law enforcement - the risk of injury is just too great.
For those reading this that know Michael, you know that he's a good guy. He is quiet and somewhat introverted when he first meets you, but once he gets to know you, you're family. And there's nothing that Michael will not do for his family. He will give you the shirt off his back if he thought that you needed it. He's been my biggest cheerleader since I made the decision to go back to school. He is a great husband and father. So, in trying to find things to be happy about.... I'm happy that Michael has answers about his pain. I'm happy that a resolution is in sight. I'm happy that he has some hope for a pain-free life, which is something that he hasn't had in quite a while. I'm happy that this too shall pass.... I know it's my profile picture, but here's Michael and me during our 15th wedding anniversary trip.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
wacky weather
Daily Quip #7
Coming in a bit under the wire.... My weekend was so hectic - I'm still trying to recover.
Mother nature decided to be bitchy today. Right as I was leaving work (6ish), a bad storm moved in. I work in Goochland County, so I saw some dark clouds, got a bit wet... no biggie - I was heading home anyway. But, Michael called me - "be careful, we've been getting hail & it's crazy." Hail?? HAIL?? Really.... Here's the proof!
This is my deck.... covered in hail! We also had a minor flood on the other side of the deck from the water rushing in over the driveway. I noticed as I was driving home that the temps dropped significantly. So glad I didn't get soaked to the bone - we could have experienced a wet t-shirt contest inadvertently!!
Grateful that I made it home - safe & sound! I made dinner (chicken parm), did some reading, and sat with the hubby. All & all, a lazy night.... tomorrow night - gym!!!
Night all!!
Coming in a bit under the wire.... My weekend was so hectic - I'm still trying to recover.
Mother nature decided to be bitchy today. Right as I was leaving work (6ish), a bad storm moved in. I work in Goochland County, so I saw some dark clouds, got a bit wet... no biggie - I was heading home anyway. But, Michael called me - "be careful, we've been getting hail & it's crazy." Hail?? HAIL?? Really.... Here's the proof!
This is my deck.... covered in hail! We also had a minor flood on the other side of the deck from the water rushing in over the driveway. I noticed as I was driving home that the temps dropped significantly. So glad I didn't get soaked to the bone - we could have experienced a wet t-shirt contest inadvertently!!
Grateful that I made it home - safe & sound! I made dinner (chicken parm), did some reading, and sat with the hubby. All & all, a lazy night.... tomorrow night - gym!!!
Night all!!
Sunday, May 5, 2013
grad, birthday, parties & more....
Daily quip #6
It's May 5th.... or as I used to call it when I was little - Fay da Mifth! It's my birthday!!! I've always loved having my birthday on a date that is considered a holiday in Mexico. I've travelled from one Mexican restaurant to the next showing my ID and getting free margaritas for having a birthday on Cinco de Mayo!!!!
This year, my birthday came in 2nd place to all the things I had to do with my school. And still, another event was also very important. My best friend from high school, Kimie, is saying goodbye to her 18-year old son, Christopher, on Tuesday. He has joined the Navy and was accepted into their nuclear program. Apparently, you've got to have very high scores on aptitude tests to get connected with this program - and Christopher made the cut.
She held a going away party for him on Saturday and gave him a very special present. On December 6th, a flag was flown over the U.S. Capitol building in Christopher's honor. He received the flag after it was taken down, raised and flown on base by the Navy Seals, and put into a shadow box to be given to him as a gift. It was really quite cool, and Chris was obviously touched. So, for my pics of the day, here's Christopher & Kimie with his amazing gift!
It's May 5th.... or as I used to call it when I was little - Fay da Mifth! It's my birthday!!! I've always loved having my birthday on a date that is considered a holiday in Mexico. I've travelled from one Mexican restaurant to the next showing my ID and getting free margaritas for having a birthday on Cinco de Mayo!!!!
This year, my birthday came in 2nd place to all the things I had to do with my school. And still, another event was also very important. My best friend from high school, Kimie, is saying goodbye to her 18-year old son, Christopher, on Tuesday. He has joined the Navy and was accepted into their nuclear program. Apparently, you've got to have very high scores on aptitude tests to get connected with this program - and Christopher made the cut.
She held a going away party for him on Saturday and gave him a very special present. On December 6th, a flag was flown over the U.S. Capitol building in Christopher's honor. He received the flag after it was taken down, raised and flown on base by the Navy Seals, and put into a shadow box to be given to him as a gift. It was really quite cool, and Chris was obviously touched. So, for my pics of the day, here's Christopher & Kimie with his amazing gift!
Saturday, May 4, 2013
After the fact...,
Daily quip #5
So, I froze during today's events. Rain, wind and cool temps made it miserable. But it was worth it! Got conferred with my masters degree today with my husband & children in the audience. It was one of the best (and worst) experiences of my life. By the end, I was so happy that the culmination of 3 years came to an end today. At the same time, I was so cold, I couldn't feel my feet!!
Here's some photos of my day!!
So, I froze during today's events. Rain, wind and cool temps made it miserable. But it was worth it! Got conferred with my masters degree today with my husband & children in the audience. It was one of the best (and worst) experiences of my life. By the end, I was so happy that the culmination of 3 years came to an end today. At the same time, I was so cold, I couldn't feel my feet!!
Here's some photos of my day!!
Friday, May 3, 2013
Happiness is....
Daily quip #4
Well, in trying to get ready for my trip to the beach, I wanted to give myself a manicure and pedicure. I've been at it since 10:00PM..... it's now 1:23AM. Good grief!!! But, I'm happy that I've got the time to do it! I'm happy to spend the weekend in VA Beach with my family. I'm happy to be graduating!!! So, in spite of my nail polish demolition, I am still finding reasons to be happy.... so (proud mama alert) here's my main three!!
These are my sons - Jonathan (on the right) & Jeremy (on the left).
This is my baby girl, Maura. She's so amazing..... she's got such a great story for being (almost) 13 years old. But that's for another post.
How do you finish the sentence - happiness is......??
Well, in trying to get ready for my trip to the beach, I wanted to give myself a manicure and pedicure. I've been at it since 10:00PM..... it's now 1:23AM. Good grief!!! But, I'm happy that I've got the time to do it! I'm happy to spend the weekend in VA Beach with my family. I'm happy to be graduating!!! So, in spite of my nail polish demolition, I am still finding reasons to be happy.... so (proud mama alert) here's my main three!!
These are my sons - Jonathan (on the right) & Jeremy (on the left).
This is my baby girl, Maura. She's so amazing..... she's got such a great story for being (almost) 13 years old. But that's for another post.
How do you finish the sentence - happiness is......??
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Rock of Ages
Being that my boys are theater freaks, I try to stay on top of all the shows that are coming to the Richmond area. I received an email tonight that Rock of Ages is coming to the Carpenter Center. Is it wrong that I am absolutely dying to see this show? I've seen the movie about a gazillion times.... and truly, I don't think I've seen Tom Cruise look better. After a string of really crappy movies, Tommy Boy knocks this one out of the park.
I've officially become a Rock of Ages groupie!!! Every time it's on, I have to stop & watch - like a train wreck, but with great 80's tunes!!
Maybe is the soundtrack - this was my era. I am a child of the 80's.
Maybe it's the tattoos - Tom Cruise is covered in them.... and that's not a bad thing.
Maybe it's just the cheese factor - every now and then, ya just got to say WTF?!?!? and go with it!!!
Whatever the case may be, I am completely stoked that I have my tickets for the June 9th showing at the Carpenter Center!! And the seats are great!!!! Orchestra Right - row C - seats 10 & 12. I'll be about 8 rows from the stage. Thank you, richmondcenterstage.com!!!! You've made this 80's chick very, very happy!!! Wonder if I'll need to revive my neon t-shirt, pencil skirt, and lace midriff cover??? What's your guilty pleasure??
I've officially become a Rock of Ages groupie!!! Every time it's on, I have to stop & watch - like a train wreck, but with great 80's tunes!!
Maybe is the soundtrack - this was my era. I am a child of the 80's.
Maybe it's the tattoos - Tom Cruise is covered in them.... and that's not a bad thing.
Maybe it's just the cheese factor - every now and then, ya just got to say WTF?!?!? and go with it!!!
Whatever the case may be, I am completely stoked that I have my tickets for the June 9th showing at the Carpenter Center!! And the seats are great!!!! Orchestra Right - row C - seats 10 & 12. I'll be about 8 rows from the stage. Thank you, richmondcenterstage.com!!!! You've made this 80's chick very, very happy!!! Wonder if I'll need to revive my neon t-shirt, pencil skirt, and lace midriff cover??? What's your guilty pleasure??
No pain, no gain??? Who made up this shit?
Daily Quip #2
First, let me thank everyone that stopped by to take a look around. My goal is a blog post per day, and some days, I may not have an opportunity to sit down at my laptop until fairly late. As I am learning my way around "blogtopia," please be patient. There may be changes to my blog space as I find new and interesting things to include.
For the quip: My goal in this process is to try to find something humorous every day. Today, my humor came at the gym. I recently completed 9 months of interning for my Master's degree. So, being that I work full time, have three kids, a husband, a home, and two dogs.... that interning stuff kinda cramped up my schedule. I have not had time to go to the gym, work out, or anything remotely close to taking care of myself. I made myself a promise that when my internship was done, I'd get back to the gym on a regular basis. Last week was my first time back. My friend convinced me that I should take a body sculpting class. Now, I know enough about work-outs that calling it body sculpting is a way to lure people in. It embodies connections to Rembrandt, Picasso, and DaVinci. "This class will turn your body into a masterpiece" is what most people will hear in their head. What they don't realize is that shit is a marketing ploy. Body sculpting is the gym's way of letting all the instructors know that they have free reign for 60 minutes to contort others' bodies to do things that make the average person look like they're fucking a chicken. Well, being secure in who I am, I welcomed the chicken-fucking poses, and asked Col. Sanders for more. I went to my second body sculpting class tonight.
The class started out great. The instructor had a lot of energy but kept the exercises at a fairly low bounce. This is important for gals like me - anything over a C-cup, and that bouncing crapola hurts to no end. I'm grateful when there's no bounce. Halfway through the class, the instructor asked everyone to lay on their step benches because she was going to have the class work on core strength (i.e., trying to tone that flabby gut). About three crunches in, I felt a very sharp pain in my lower abdominal area. Holy Christ - what in the name of Jon Bon Jovi is that???? I tried to sit up and every muscle in my body basically screamed a resounding EFF OFF!! I could not move. Now, try to get a visual of this..... there are two girls next to me wearing their high school CHEER shirts. They probably weigh 85 pounds soaking wet..... combined. There's two guys in the corner one mat down from me. They are trying to keep their legs in the air like the instructor is doing without pinning their balls between their own ass cheeks and the step benches. There's a lady who I found out after class was 76 years old. She must be related to that guy who doesn't get old from the Lord of the Rings books. She was lifting weights and throwing out every exercise bit that the instructor gave us. And then there's me.... my middle-aged, extremely pale (dear God, I didn't notice it until my feet were in the air and the soft glow of florescent lights bounced off my legs - people left the class without sight), and somewhat chubby self stuck to my step bench as if God himself had stapled me there. When I was finally able to roll off my bench (think weeble-wobble), I was on my knees, head facing the gym floor, seeing stars. The instructor told me that it's either a muscle cramp or a muscle pull. I should ice it (fuck, are you kidding??? put an ice pack on my flabby stomach?? I wonder if she realizes that fat DOES NOT congeal??) and discontinue any abdominal isolation exercises for the next 24-48 hours so it can heal.
At this point, I got very tickled. The thought came to mind - hell, I acquired this ring o' shame around my middle from carrying rather large twins. Granted, it was 18 years ago, but that's beside the point. I found it funny that the instructor stressed to me not to strain myself, so it was very important for me to wait the 24-48 hours resting period. All I could think was - I've carried this shit for 18+ years.... another two days will not kill me!! I know - for a fact - that I did not look eager to get right back into my work out. I left feeling like my arms were made of Jell-o, and I was trying to figure out how I would be able to drive home with my feet since I couldn't raise my arms. No, please let me work out some more.....if I don't get one more workout in, I'll never be thin and beautiful (insert raised middle finger here).
So, I experienced the pain side of exercise tonight. I gained a good laugh.... but I don't think that's what they meant by "no pain, no gain." And to that, I'll leave you with my mantra for life: I came in this world, little and naked. I'm going out big and clothed!!!
First, let me thank everyone that stopped by to take a look around. My goal is a blog post per day, and some days, I may not have an opportunity to sit down at my laptop until fairly late. As I am learning my way around "blogtopia," please be patient. There may be changes to my blog space as I find new and interesting things to include.
For the quip: My goal in this process is to try to find something humorous every day. Today, my humor came at the gym. I recently completed 9 months of interning for my Master's degree. So, being that I work full time, have three kids, a husband, a home, and two dogs.... that interning stuff kinda cramped up my schedule. I have not had time to go to the gym, work out, or anything remotely close to taking care of myself. I made myself a promise that when my internship was done, I'd get back to the gym on a regular basis. Last week was my first time back. My friend convinced me that I should take a body sculpting class. Now, I know enough about work-outs that calling it body sculpting is a way to lure people in. It embodies connections to Rembrandt, Picasso, and DaVinci. "This class will turn your body into a masterpiece" is what most people will hear in their head. What they don't realize is that shit is a marketing ploy. Body sculpting is the gym's way of letting all the instructors know that they have free reign for 60 minutes to contort others' bodies to do things that make the average person look like they're fucking a chicken. Well, being secure in who I am, I welcomed the chicken-fucking poses, and asked Col. Sanders for more. I went to my second body sculpting class tonight.
The class started out great. The instructor had a lot of energy but kept the exercises at a fairly low bounce. This is important for gals like me - anything over a C-cup, and that bouncing crapola hurts to no end. I'm grateful when there's no bounce. Halfway through the class, the instructor asked everyone to lay on their step benches because she was going to have the class work on core strength (i.e., trying to tone that flabby gut). About three crunches in, I felt a very sharp pain in my lower abdominal area. Holy Christ - what in the name of Jon Bon Jovi is that???? I tried to sit up and every muscle in my body basically screamed a resounding EFF OFF!! I could not move. Now, try to get a visual of this..... there are two girls next to me wearing their high school CHEER shirts. They probably weigh 85 pounds soaking wet..... combined. There's two guys in the corner one mat down from me. They are trying to keep their legs in the air like the instructor is doing without pinning their balls between their own ass cheeks and the step benches. There's a lady who I found out after class was 76 years old. She must be related to that guy who doesn't get old from the Lord of the Rings books. She was lifting weights and throwing out every exercise bit that the instructor gave us. And then there's me.... my middle-aged, extremely pale (dear God, I didn't notice it until my feet were in the air and the soft glow of florescent lights bounced off my legs - people left the class without sight), and somewhat chubby self stuck to my step bench as if God himself had stapled me there. When I was finally able to roll off my bench (think weeble-wobble), I was on my knees, head facing the gym floor, seeing stars. The instructor told me that it's either a muscle cramp or a muscle pull. I should ice it (fuck, are you kidding??? put an ice pack on my flabby stomach?? I wonder if she realizes that fat DOES NOT congeal??) and discontinue any abdominal isolation exercises for the next 24-48 hours so it can heal.
At this point, I got very tickled. The thought came to mind - hell, I acquired this ring o' shame around my middle from carrying rather large twins. Granted, it was 18 years ago, but that's beside the point. I found it funny that the instructor stressed to me not to strain myself, so it was very important for me to wait the 24-48 hours resting period. All I could think was - I've carried this shit for 18+ years.... another two days will not kill me!! I know - for a fact - that I did not look eager to get right back into my work out. I left feeling like my arms were made of Jell-o, and I was trying to figure out how I would be able to drive home with my feet since I couldn't raise my arms. No, please let me work out some more.....if I don't get one more workout in, I'll never be thin and beautiful (insert raised middle finger here).
So, I experienced the pain side of exercise tonight. I gained a good laugh.... but I don't think that's what they meant by "no pain, no gain." And to that, I'll leave you with my mantra for life: I came in this world, little and naked. I'm going out big and clothed!!!
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