Ever have those moments where your mouth goes faster than your brain? These seem to happen to me at the worst possible times. And they never happen around friends who know (and somehow seem to tolerate) my level of stupidity. No....... they happen at work. In front of my boss's boss. God, can it get any worse?
In moments such as this, I beat myself up with guilt. Why did I do that? Why did I say that? I'm going to lose my job, for sure.... because who wants an unhinged, unfiltered maniac on the job? The counselor side of me tries to reconcile it. We all have moments that we wish wouldn't happen, but I'm placing too much emphasis on it. It's not THAT big of a deal, and it will resolve itself. Just breathe.
In moments like this, I wonder where my filter has gone. Does this happen to anyone else? Do you lose your filter during moments of stress? Oddly enough, when I'm in counselor mode, I sit quietly. I let my client talk. I ask questions that I know will keep my client talking. When I'm in analyst mode, I can't shut up. I want to right all the wrongs that are occurring in that space. Why? This is not my job. I don't have a large S on my chest under my clothes. So, why do I worry about things that are outside of my control? Who knows? And yet, I still need to find this out so I can find my filter.....
So, I'm at this personal crossroads. What do I do? I've apologized to my boss, and I've got a great boss so she made it a little easier for me. But now I'm feeling that I'm constantly walking on egg shells. It's uncomfortable. I'm hoping through this discomfort, I'll grow and learn and change into something new and improved.
Do you ever lose your filter? Are those moments as awkward for you as they are for me? I'm throwing this out there - into the cyberspace void - just to get it out of my head and into some other place. Thanks for letting me.
