Ever have those moments where your mouth goes faster than your brain? These seem to happen to me at the worst possible times. And they never happen around friends who know (and somehow seem to tolerate) my level of stupidity. No....... they happen at work. In front of my boss's boss. God, can it get any worse?
In moments such as this, I beat myself up with guilt. Why did I do that? Why did I say that? I'm going to lose my job, for sure.... because who wants an unhinged, unfiltered maniac on the job? The counselor side of me tries to reconcile it. We all have moments that we wish wouldn't happen, but I'm placing too much emphasis on it. It's not THAT big of a deal, and it will resolve itself. Just breathe.
In moments like this, I wonder where my filter has gone. Does this happen to anyone else? Do you lose your filter during moments of stress? Oddly enough, when I'm in counselor mode, I sit quietly. I let my client talk. I ask questions that I know will keep my client talking. When I'm in analyst mode, I can't shut up. I want to right all the wrongs that are occurring in that space. Why? This is not my job. I don't have a large S on my chest under my clothes. So, why do I worry about things that are outside of my control? Who knows? And yet, I still need to find this out so I can find my filter.....
So, I'm at this personal crossroads. What do I do? I've apologized to my boss, and I've got a great boss so she made it a little easier for me. But now I'm feeling that I'm constantly walking on egg shells. It's uncomfortable. I'm hoping through this discomfort, I'll grow and learn and change into something new and improved.
Do you ever lose your filter? Are those moments as awkward for you as they are for me? I'm throwing this out there - into the cyberspace void - just to get it out of my head and into some other place. Thanks for letting me.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
i'm a lucky girl
I love great weekends..... not that this weekend was over the top epic or anything. But, it really was great because I got to be in the company of good friends the whole time. Friday night, I went to happy hour after work at Capital Ale House. If you have not attended a CAH happy hour, I must encourage you to do so. Good food? Check! Great drinks? Check! Happy hour specials? Check! Excellent seating outside to enjoy the fabulous weather? Check! No penalty when you drop your silverware into the fountain / pond behind you? CHECK!! Awesomeness all the way.
Saturday, I cleaned my house a bit - it was in dire need. Been so busy taking care of Michael that I really haven't been able to pay attention to the dust and whatnot that needed to be swept, vacummed, etc. It got tackled on Saturday. WHEW! So, if you want to visit, come by NOW before shit gets real again!!!
Saturday night, I attended a joint birthday party for my friends, Sarah and Stephanie. Michael came along, brace and all. And while I was worried about his comfort level and how much I knew he would pay for it later, being around people that we know and love was very therapeutic for him. I was happy that for the time being, he was happy!! A friend from Virginia Beach (Mark) decided to tag along. I love when you bring a friend that no one knows to a party. I was getting asked all night - who's the guy? I'd have to tell Mark's story - how we know each other, why I invited him to come with us to the party, and how great of a guy he is - don't believe me? Ask him to share his Jaegermeister. And he did.
Sunday, I went to brunch with Jeff, Kelly, and my best friend from high school, Kimie. Kimie and I have been best friends since the 9th grade. Considering that I graduated 24 years ago, with 4 years of high school, that's 28 years of friendship. WOW! Ahhhhhh-mazing! She's my heart - if I were lesbian, I'd only want Kimie. It's that kind of a relationship - we know everything about each other, each other's families, each other's kids. She's very cool!!!
This got me to thinking.... so I started trolling my own pictures on Facebook. I see some friends on a fairly regular basis. I found it hard to believe that it'll be three years in October that I met Jeff, Kelly, Christopher, Derek, Joe and Stacey. These are people that I've come to love dearly, that there's nothing I wouldn't do for them, and I've come to lean on when I need support. It's been almost five years since I met Stephanie (I got blow job in my hair....whole other blog post), and seven years since I met Sarah and Mike. I've known Kathy and Ken for eight years, and by putting our husbands together, we get to spend a lot of quality girl time (we're GENIUSES!!!!!!). All this to say - I'm so very fortunate. No matter how bitchy I may feel, no matter what circumstances I'm going through, I am really very lucky to have amazing people in my life. I love you all!!!! XOXOXO
Now.... here's a few happy hour pictures from Friday!!
Saturday, I cleaned my house a bit - it was in dire need. Been so busy taking care of Michael that I really haven't been able to pay attention to the dust and whatnot that needed to be swept, vacummed, etc. It got tackled on Saturday. WHEW! So, if you want to visit, come by NOW before shit gets real again!!!
Saturday night, I attended a joint birthday party for my friends, Sarah and Stephanie. Michael came along, brace and all. And while I was worried about his comfort level and how much I knew he would pay for it later, being around people that we know and love was very therapeutic for him. I was happy that for the time being, he was happy!! A friend from Virginia Beach (Mark) decided to tag along. I love when you bring a friend that no one knows to a party. I was getting asked all night - who's the guy? I'd have to tell Mark's story - how we know each other, why I invited him to come with us to the party, and how great of a guy he is - don't believe me? Ask him to share his Jaegermeister. And he did.
Sunday, I went to brunch with Jeff, Kelly, and my best friend from high school, Kimie. Kimie and I have been best friends since the 9th grade. Considering that I graduated 24 years ago, with 4 years of high school, that's 28 years of friendship. WOW! Ahhhhhh-mazing! She's my heart - if I were lesbian, I'd only want Kimie. It's that kind of a relationship - we know everything about each other, each other's families, each other's kids. She's very cool!!!
This got me to thinking.... so I started trolling my own pictures on Facebook. I see some friends on a fairly regular basis. I found it hard to believe that it'll be three years in October that I met Jeff, Kelly, Christopher, Derek, Joe and Stacey. These are people that I've come to love dearly, that there's nothing I wouldn't do for them, and I've come to lean on when I need support. It's been almost five years since I met Stephanie (I got blow job in my hair....whole other blog post), and seven years since I met Sarah and Mike. I've known Kathy and Ken for eight years, and by putting our husbands together, we get to spend a lot of quality girl time (we're GENIUSES!!!!!!). All this to say - I'm so very fortunate. No matter how bitchy I may feel, no matter what circumstances I'm going through, I am really very lucky to have amazing people in my life. I love you all!!!! XOXOXO
Now.... here's a few happy hour pictures from Friday!!
Thursday, August 1, 2013
haters gonna hate.....
I'm convinced that there are times in everyones lives when a person says something that they didn't MEAN to say..... but they were WANTING to say the entire time. In my area of expertise, we call this a Freudian Slip, but any psychologist who knows their salt will tell you - there is no such thing as a Freudian Slip. It was in your head, you said it, DONE!! It's only when the words are hurtful does the person claim, oh.... that slipped.... I'm sorry.
Here's my thought for the day: why does anyone have to have a hateful thought in the first place? Now, I'm not talking about commenting with friends - for example:
Girl #1: Honey, did you see that wreck of an outfit she had on today?
Girl #2: No, I didn't. Is it a hot mess?
Girl #1: Look likes someone sprayed her down with Pepto Bismol. Don't think I've seen that much pink - ever.
Girl #2: Seriously?
Girl #1: And it was all different shades of pink. I couldn't tell if she was trying to be demure or if she was just trapped in the 80's. Good God!
Is this conversation hateful? Yes. But, we've all been there. We've all done it. Whatever. It happens. In some cases, it's to make ourselves feel better. In some cases, it's because we cannot wrap our brains around the hot mess that is in front of us. Better to work it out using words than relive the nightmare all day.
I'm talking the passive / aggressive hatefulness - the comments that leave you trying to figure out where that came from. Is she mad at me? Did I do something to offend her? Or was it a bad burrito she had last night for dinner? It's those shady, underhanded comments that I cannot stand. And, as mentioned in the first paragraph, these comments are not accidental. These comments are intended to be hurtful, hateful, and create anxiety for the recipient. And I know that y'all know what I'm talking about..... we've all experienced it, but I can't say that we've all delivered it.
So, to those spreaders of passive / aggressive hatefulness that have approached my doorstep, let me say this.....KICK ROCKS!! I don't need your shit. I don't need your subtle attempts to diminish me, so STOP IT!!! I'm more than capable of creating my own anxiety. I'm more than able to stir up my own shit storm, so I certainly don't need your help in complicating my life. There! I know haters gonna hate.... but they need to hate somewhere far away from me!!!
Here's my thought for the day: why does anyone have to have a hateful thought in the first place? Now, I'm not talking about commenting with friends - for example:
Girl #1: Honey, did you see that wreck of an outfit she had on today?
Girl #2: No, I didn't. Is it a hot mess?
Girl #1: Look likes someone sprayed her down with Pepto Bismol. Don't think I've seen that much pink - ever.
Girl #2: Seriously?
Girl #1: And it was all different shades of pink. I couldn't tell if she was trying to be demure or if she was just trapped in the 80's. Good God!
Is this conversation hateful? Yes. But, we've all been there. We've all done it. Whatever. It happens. In some cases, it's to make ourselves feel better. In some cases, it's because we cannot wrap our brains around the hot mess that is in front of us. Better to work it out using words than relive the nightmare all day.
I'm talking the passive / aggressive hatefulness - the comments that leave you trying to figure out where that came from. Is she mad at me? Did I do something to offend her? Or was it a bad burrito she had last night for dinner? It's those shady, underhanded comments that I cannot stand. And, as mentioned in the first paragraph, these comments are not accidental. These comments are intended to be hurtful, hateful, and create anxiety for the recipient. And I know that y'all know what I'm talking about..... we've all experienced it, but I can't say that we've all delivered it.
So, to those spreaders of passive / aggressive hatefulness that have approached my doorstep, let me say this.....KICK ROCKS!! I don't need your shit. I don't need your subtle attempts to diminish me, so STOP IT!!! I'm more than capable of creating my own anxiety. I'm more than able to stir up my own shit storm, so I certainly don't need your help in complicating my life. There! I know haters gonna hate.... but they need to hate somewhere far away from me!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)